i m possible

remember charles? we met again.

like the last time we met, he was calm and cool, very gentlemanly. and i keep forgetting that he is only 21.

we met for tea and then decided to catch a movie. he came to pick me up and we had a good time chatting on the way. we spoke about his leg injury, his running, his dancing, who he thought influenced him the most, his friends, the girl who asked to borrow $50 and he never spoke to eversince, the guy who asked to borrow $150 and he never intended to get it back from, his winnings, why he does not have a girlfriend now, what happened to his previous girlfriends, how he became smarter ...

i asked about his brother and charles said that he'll probably get around 15 points for his o levels and would most likely get into poly. i remarked that 15 is good and he said, "few years ago i would have thought that is good, but now i think if you put in 100%, you should achieve 100%.", his theory of success. then he added that he thinks his brother is going to do ok. i asked him why and he replied, "he is more sensible than i was at 16". and i said for him to say that, he is indeed a very sensible young man now.

before i got off the car, i thanked him for the evening and told him that i am very happy and proud of him.

i really am.

p/s the other sign of hope came from the little chat i had over sms and msn with mj. he also made me think that it is possible. thanks.

so what's up?

on thursday afternoon, i "invested" :) it wasn't really a planned thing. like most things, i just went along. (this kind of feels like when i went bungy-jumping in china...totally impromtu.) afterwards i thought, "why did i do that?"

i suspect that i may know part of the reason...

***

when i was at the gym on friday, in between sets of bench press, i had this "i'm tired" feeling. and then the rest of the day i was just playing this "tired" card. the truth is that since the beginning of the school holidays, i've not yet had a day off, though i try not to stay beyond lunch time each day :)

and perhaps this is the first time i'm not going overseas during december school vacation. save $$$.

***

saturday was blend. but at least i had a cup of good nespresso coffee in the morning. that sleek machine is probably my best buy of the year, followed closely by the new pair of blue asics.

***

today i played water gun with the kids at baywater. hilarious :)
now i'm going to eat durian ice cream.

later, when i gain back control of the tv, i'll continue to watch the korean (lawyer) drama series.

have a great week!

沾沾自喜

Rank 1724
Gun Start 5:29:53
Chip Start 5:32:27
CP10k 1:08:36
CP21k 2:22:19
CP30k 3:21:18
CP32.5k 3:38:44
Chip Finish 4:42:59
Finish 4:45:33

42.195..........again

i was a little worried at first because this time i really didn't prepare enough. thanks to hK, i did two long runs and that's about it, the rest are moslty 30 to 45min runs, unlike the previous time when hL was around. both she and her cousin were very disciplined runners. on many sunday mornings we woke up early and ran along ECP. and of course, i benefitted from that, a lot.

today's weather was superb. it wasn't sunny even when i crossed the finish line. the clock read 4'45 when i finished, so chip time should be a minute or two lesser. this is my best time so far, so i'm rather pleased.

i just ran and ran today. slowly running from a drink station to the next, from a distance marker to the next, counting down the KMs and counting my blessings. perhaps because i did not have too much expectation, i was running with much ease.

i drank at EVERY drink stop, ate 2 bananas, one packet of power gel and some raisins. those 2 girls were lovely. they stationed themselves somewhere before bedok jetty and were shouting "raisins! raisins!". i took a handful and munched, and smiled. it's really nice to be nice.

too messy

i think there are too many things at home.

just the two of us and we hardly use any of those things. the kids' toys, video tapes, two refrigerators, two VCRs, a mircowave that's not working, many pots and pans hidden, three rice-cookers.

maybe i should save some money this holiday and not fly away, just stay home and clear some stuff. should also get rid of some CDs, VCDs, DVDs, books and clothes.

this time round the vacation seems shorter since we end school later than usual. and already there is a lot to do at work, so i'm feeling a bit "tight". hope i can get the files done up and move to my new cubicle soon.

and i really do want to get rid of some furniture at home, so the place can look more spacious and i can feel more "relaxed" :)

遗憾

感动得想哭。。。



然后眼泪就掉下来了。。。

third time lucky and sixth run

i did a sixth run after that last post. the rest were lobo-ing in the bunk and i just didn't feel comfortable enough to do that. so instead, i ran. kind of like forrest gump .... hee :)


ok now, as promised, the three times lucky:

1. excused live firing
2. 2D2N sentry duty .... dismissed
3. fun ride safety .... replaced

so there you have it, all three.

i am not feeling joyous enough to write more about that because mum is in the hospital now. the good news is that she'll be going home tomorrow.

let me think about whether i want to write about this ... tired now.

three times lucky or five runs

standchart run is round the corner and i'm really getting desperate to clock some distance.

amidst the moodiness and miserableness, i managed to read two-and-one-third books and do five runs here. and the last one was rather good, i must say. that one-hour run on a fair-weather morning was relaxing and therapeutic.

i finished Torey Hayden's Twilight Children and Daisaku Ikeda's The Way of Youth. The remaining one-third is Emily Prager's Wuhu Diary: On Taking My Adopted Daughter Back to Her Hometown in China.



(it is interesting how the other grown-ups can either sleep the whole day in the bunk or get so engaged with their PSPs.)

three times? when the time is right, i'll be glad to write about all three. so keep the fingers crossed for me :)

end-of-school-year thoughts

Since I have the luxury of time, I might as well write something now.

So it seems like this has got to be the most unproductive 10 days of this year for me. And no prize for guessing correctly where am I now. Hopefully, the next few minutes of writing can add some value to this 10 days and not make it totally worthless.

By the time I get back to school on the 20th, the school year would have ended. This is a very, very quick year, or fast year, or short year as you may call it. Can't remember if this was how I felt previously at this time of the year. One thing for sure, I've been less frustrated with work this time round.

There must be a reason, but I just can't really pin-point one. I can go on and on and tell you the wonderful stories that I hear and see in the school and how these people are just so wonderful and how my leaders are truly amazing. But I guess you really have to be with the school to know what it really feels like.

Kids are kids, no matter where they are, and where they are from. But somehow, the students here are more adorable, whether they are 13, 14, 15 or 16-year-olds. They listen to my stories and makes me feel alive, where I used to feel like a broken recorder, having to repeat my lessons and instructions time after time previously.

Let me try to recall some of the names that stick out this year and perhaps one day, I can gather enough infomation from them and write a few stories about them. Year 4s: Murphy, Weicong, Francis and Natahsha; Year 3s: Lydia, Ashiq, Abdillah and Chuan Jie; Year 2s: Yao Yang, Chu Hui, Jonathan and Jie Yi; Year 1s: Wilson, Dickson, Hong Liang, Faiz, Hafiz, Denise and the twins Taufiq and Tauhiq.

And what have I taught them this year? To be honest, I think they have taught me a great deal more. They have taught me to look at things differently. Everyday. Thank you boys and girls for giving me a wonderful year.

Happy holidays!

my cousin's very simple wedding

perhaps it was because i was not feeling too well that's why the whole thing seemed very simple to me. i was mostly in-and-out of the "zone" and did not notice too much :)

my job was to get well enough (since i was ill from that tuesday) to be at marine parade by 8am to pick up the bride and the groom. i only left home at 8 and reached the car park at 8.15. no one was in a hurried mode. everything was "take it easy".

my cousin and her husband loaded the few bottles of wine, their shoes, gowns and a bag, plus another plastic bag of food, and we're on our way to four seasons.

the make-up girl arrived shortly after we checked into the room. sharon had one hour to make up and then we planned to go down to the lobby to take some pictures. while the making-up was in process, me and HK had breakfast. then i took a few pictures of the rings before heading down to recce the area. (the make-up girl asked me, "did you teach at damai?" omg! but that's another story.)

by 1130 we ditched the room and headed to the 20th floor. there were only 6 tables, 3 each for the groom and the bride. it was all quite blissfully simple.

the couple is enjoying themselves at phuket right now. i wish them good health, and a very happy marriage.

病了

生病真不是一件好玩的事。连病四天，我简直是病疯了。

发烧的时候整个人缩成一团，在被窝里打滚。我好想说生不如死，但我知道那又太说不过去。

这次生病，我对“晚安”有了新的认识。半夜里体弱无力，无助又无能的感觉真的很凄凉。

晚上能睡个好觉，是福气。

兩個和尚

前几天发生了一些事，我又想起了这个故事。

《兩個和尚》

有兩個和尚正要過河，同時在此岸有另一位女施主因為水太深不知該怎麼辦，大师兄上前問了女施主是否需要幫忙，然后就背著她過河。放下她后，施主向和尚道了謝，兩人就分頭離開了。

小师弟忍不住问了：“师兄，师傅常说我们出家人要六欲清净，美色情欲都要放下。你今为何还近于女人？”

大师兄说：“刚才的那妇人我早已放下，放不下的却是师弟你呀！”


启示：君子坦荡荡，小人常戚戚；心胸宽广，思想开朗，遇事拿得起、放得下，才能永远保持一种健康的心态。

的确是要时时提醒自己尽心尽力就好，对得起天地良心，晚上才能安心睡觉。

好厉害

能唱会唱，真是一件幸福且又造福人群的事。


我好像被她的“长大”感动了。当初在“校园”她不是这个样子的。现在的歌声成熟多了。小女生真的很棒。


我超爱后面那首“青梅竹马“。这里哪里会有十几岁的人懂这首歌？这个小伙子虽然声调不是很准，但我就是喜欢他平实的歌声，一点也不造作。


这个美国来的男生应该会很有看头。这把声音让我想起。。。一时也想不起让我想起哪位歌手。就是那把让人听了很舒服的歌声。好喜欢他把一首歌好好唱完，不像现在一大堆人总喜欢把好歌唱得乱七八糟。黄韵玲也很像好开心的样子。


看胡采书被淘汰，在台上还能大大方方，稳稳的，比我们这里的"superstars"好上百倍。


这一段实在精彩，帅呆了！倪小子的“K歌之王”虽不是完美，但就是有那种缺陷美，让人感动。孙自佑的“当我想起你”也是扎扎实实的，没耍半点花招就能把人紧紧扣着。


皆大欢喜。这个主持也真是太棒了！这两个男生真的很厉害，前途无量。评审也比我们这里的好得多了。人家评审讲话得体，也很有建设性；我们这里的常常数落参赛者，自以为是。我常常会为他们觉得难过，除了水上漂以外。


人家也不用去上什么课，设计什么歌曲什么的，就是一把很实在的声音，扣人心弦。


不得了！真是了不起！惊人的33分！赞！再看一遍。


能用歌声来牵着人的情感走，这就是感动吧？

the soloist

“Points West” by Steve Lopez

A year ago, I met a man who was down on his luck and thought I might be able to help him. I don’t know that I have. Yes, my friend Mr Ayers now sleeps inside. He has a key. He has a bed. But his mental state, and his well-being, are as precarious now as they were the day we met.

There are people who tell me I’ve helped him. Mental health experts who say that the simple act of being someone’s friend can change his brain chemistry, improve his functioning in the world. I can’t speak for Mr Ayers in that regard. Maybe our friendship has helped him. But maybe not. I can, however, speak for myself. I can tell you that by witnessing Mr Ayers’s courage, his humility, his faith in the power of his art, I’ve learned the dignity of being loyal to something you believe in. Of holding onto it, above all else of believing, without question, that it will carry you home.









Steve Lopez has chronicled the life of Nathaniel Anthony Ayers, a homeless musician with schizophrenia who sleeps each night on one of skid row's most dangerous streets, in his columns listed here.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-lopez-skidrow-nathaniel-series,0,1456093.special

原来

不管你做了多少该做的，还是不该做的，还是那些在该与不该做之间的事，时间还是照样过去的。

所以最近我开始听我喜欢听的歌，开始看堆满书房的中文书，和远远的新旧朋友开始写信留言联络，和近近的朋友开始喝茶吃饭聊天。

原来我喜欢的歌手没有几个。耳机里传来的经常是张艾嘉，阿桑，张惠妹和老狼的旧歌。我喜欢的是他们的歌声，他们能让我感动的歌声。

原来我爱跑步。穿起跑步鞋我就可以不停地跑，直到汗流满身，感觉到爽了我才要喊停。


原来一个人的时候，感觉到的不一定就只有寂寞。有时候也会有宁静，舒适，富裕与满足。

hair for hope (our own version)

we went to velocity but registration was closed already due to overwhelming response. since we have already "conducted" the pre-lesson, we had to go thru with it. kai kai was hesistant at first but then when all 3 of us did it, he learnt the other "support", other than supporting cancer patients.

in class today, it was quite easy to account for my new "hairstyle". i whipped out the slides i prepared earlier and explained the significance of the event, why people came forward to volunteer, the problems cancer patients encounter and the concept of 'charity'.

rather good, actually :)

departures

好凄美的曲子。

那天晚上，我一个人在厅里看着电视。妈妈睡了，所以我放肆让自己哭了几分钟。

这样的电影情节很难不让我想起老爸。

那年我才二十五，眼看就要三十八了。我都不知道这十几年没有爸爸的日子是怎样过的。

有些事是不会忘记的。时间过了再久也不会忘记。

也不是痛，就是很酸。心里面酸得想哭，所以就哭了。

酸了过后就是怕。

我是一个很不会处理生离死别的人。我害怕如果这一切要重来一次，我不一定还能撑得下去。

奇怪的是，我每每过生日前都要胡思乱想一番才过瘾。

无可救药。

预祝自己生日快乐；
感谢妈妈三十几年前怀胎九个月辛苦地把我生下，养我这么多年；
抱歉自己没能给爸妈最好的。
这是我的遗憾。

signs signs everywhere ... pick your favourite

九州板房学校的孩子们