Sunday, December 16, 2007

brothers & sisters

there ought to be a season 2.

there is so much love in that family. i think i silently and secretly wish that my family is a little like that. not that this one isn't good enough, but it's just that i'm greedy. when it comes to love, there is never enough, is there?

the story is so moving and so touching. needless to mention, tears rolled down on several occassions. mum's either sleeping or at work when i own the tv, so i had lots of space to let my heart cry out loud.

i thought of father, and i really can't remember much. at one point, i was so afraid that that's going to happen to mum as well. do i have enough of her for me to remember? dad has passed on for 12 years now, and we don't ever talk about him. it is so sad. i don't think i've ever cried enough about his passing, which is why till this day, i still do when i see families, and by that i mean families with fathers, coming togehter. i so miss my father. if only i had one more day.

i love that whole family - sarah, kitty, tommy, kevin and justin. they fight. and they love one another so much. so much. is that remotely possible out of that box? and so that makes me think of my relationship with my own brother. if there was a scale from 1 to 10, starting with 'do not love' to 'love very much', where are we? he is my only brother. other than mum, he is my only family. what's going to happen when mum's gone? i won't be her little boy forever. she's not going to be here until i'm gone.

and then i thought of my beautiful niece and nephew, and their grandfather, whom they have never met. these two kids are going to grow up with zero knowledge of their grandfather. i cried when tommy and julia decided to name their unborn child william, after his father. if that's not love and respect, what is? these are not my kids to name but if i had my way, i'd have squeezed in something somehow. they didn't get to see him, but that doesn't mean they can't get to know him. we are so lacking in that in our culture. or is it just my family?

this weekend i also started reading a great book, 'letters to sam'. sometimes we look at the kid and think, "boy, there is so much i want to tell you. if only you understood". http://letterstosam.blogspot.com/

relationships are gifts, and love is a miracle.




Monday, December 3, 2007

geog trip to kuching

when rab asked me if i was free to go to sarawak, i thought i'd just go and see if it'll be a good break. afterall, it's non-stop since school term ended - sem, strategic planning, icet, ... and i have not done up the budget for 2008 plus of cos most of the programmes are not finalised yet.

so kuching, here i come!

the kids are generally nice, since rab assured me that she has had a "stringent selection process". and they turned out pretty okay too. the hotel room was nice and huge (could have comfortably slept 3 persons) and food wasn't too bad. we visited kuching city, went on a sunset cruise from the waterfront jetty, went to mayang tea estate, sarawak pepper marketing board, a pottery factory and bako national park.



2 incidents left a deep impression:
(a) this girl was really quite clueless about walking on dirt. it was a very "mild" type of trekking and there were stones, pot holes and branches/roots along the way. she kept screaming everytime she saw a spider, fly, mosquito... it got a little annoying. then she, of cos, fell. after she got up, i was just about to go forward and ask if she was ok when she started patting her pants and "oh my god! oh my god!", shocked that her pants got dirty. i eventually left her with rab and carried on walking with the others. rab later said that the girl asked a few times if she had dirt on her face and if her face was sunburnt.



(b) we were eating at the "local kfc" and the agency boss was kind enough to buy extra fries for all the kids. but our pupils did not finish them and rab insisted that they packed the fries and ate them along the way later while they shopped at the night market. rab managed to ask for plastic bags for the kids to carry but did not have enough. so when this other girl came up to the bus holding her fries, rab asked her to go and ask for a plastic bag from the counter. this girl very innocently asked, "in what language?" i stared at rab, speechless. rab said "in Japanese." i told rab that her humour was wasted on our kids.

the speedboat ride to bako national park was fun. in fact, the whole trip was quite fun. 3 days out of school and out of work (sort of).

thanks rab for asking me.

a very good run

thank you good friends, that was a very good run!




HL, BK and Janson helped with the preparation. If not for them, I'd have slept in most of the sundays. i guess the run was not so difficult this time because of the somewhat adequate preparation. many, many, many thanks.

jenny volunteered to be the chauffeur in the morning and brought us to the starting line early and calmed. we even had time to go to the toilet at conrad :)

@ncy came back from LA just-in-time to cheer for us. She touched down before 6am, went home to say "hi" to her mum and then went to pick Jy. Where to find such wonderful friends? (my brother said that 8am was way too early for him.) i was looking forward to the 22km mark because i knew the girls would be there. you have no idea how motivating your presence was. thank you girls.

the first 32km was quite a comfortable run. BK constantly reminded me to eat and drink. in fact, i thought i could have drank too much. so much that i felt a little bloated and even had to burp, ha ha. that was really quite funny.

i tried to go a little faster after the 32km mark and eventually finished the race just after 5 hrs. on our way to lunch, there were still people running on the road. by then the sun was blazing and i really felt very sorry for the runners. they were so determined to finish the run. good for them! (@ngy dropped us off one by one after lunch, thank you very, very much!)

it wasn't so painful this time and today, i emphsize TODAY, i feel like i might just do it again :)

Saturday, December 1, 2007

first sunday

...of december. yup, that's right, it's marathon, 42.195.

last year this time we were in nepal, having the time of our lives. the beautiful scenery, friendly people and wonderful company. this time round, it's the big run.

this would be my 3rd run, and i believe, this time, i feel the most number of butterflies in my stomach. perhaps it's because i know what's going to happen. i know the pain is going to come and yet i'm looking forward to crossing that finishing line.

when i wake up in a few hours, it'll be time to go :) BK's coming to pick me up and then we're off to our races. to each our own.

after the run, the party of 7 will fly to perth on QF78. it's going to be quite fun, i'm sure. BK's parents are really excited. not only have they packed their bags, they have also changed money. well done! i'm really looking forward to the nice, cool weather and great fun in australia!

good nite and wish me luck.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Saturday, October 6, 2007

where does "my inspiration" get all her energy?

it's saturday, 6 October 2007.

like any other saturdays, since mum started working on weekends too, i woke up around 8 and had to decide if i should go running. since BK didn't call and the sun seems to be working harder than usual, and the fact that i had signed up for the year end big run, i reached a wonderful compromise: i shall go running at the gym. in the comfort of aircon and (loud) music i'd clock some distance. how win-win can it get?

while running on the machine, "my inspiration" called and arranged for lunch at 1.30pm. i don't carry my phone at the gym but this day, i knew she was going to call. i spoke to her "normally", as opposed to "panting", while my neighbouring runners eavesdropped.


i arrived at pek kio food centre around 1.40, after diligently following "my inspiration's" clear directions. the other two came even later. all in all, i had one piece of goreng pisang, one goreng sweet potato, prawn mee and fried carrot cake. And of course that cannot be just it for "my inspiration".

we proceeded to square 2, our first time (too!). "my inspiration" said there is this japanese bread shop. i quite like the scone and the banana bread. overall, i think i'd give it 3 stars out of five.

by this time i'm exhausted and yawning away already. after saving 4 bucks, by parking 2 cars at the food centre and going to square 2 in one, BK got us back to our cars. i came home and napped.

"my inspiration", according to her plan, still has to go to town to meet HL to look at LV, then dinner with ji@yi followed by a movie tonite (already bought tickets!). and did i not mention that she had PT this morning from 11 to 12?

if anyone i know (in person) is living life to the fullest, it could just be "my inspiration". cheers!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

bottom up

endocopy rm 2, i think. that's where i was pushed into.

(endoscopy means looking inside and typically refers to looking inside the human body for medical reasons using an instrument called an endoscope.)

dr Lim was talking to me and injecting tube after tube of something into me (via my wrist!) and the next thing i knew, i was back where it all began. i can vividly remember experiencing some discomfort during the procedure but that was just it. and after it was all done, much gas accumulated inside me that i wished i could fart quicker and faster.

apparently the scope went up my bottom. can't give any more detail because that's just all there is to be said. slept so well i didn't feel a thing.

so what was it all about? in case, just in case, i didn't hv the chance to spell it all out, i thought it might be a clever idea to leave it in writing somewhere. in this case, somewhere being here.

started from don't know when, i began to go to the loo more often than before, sometimes as many as 6 times a day. the nurse who discharged me (and gave me my 2-day sick note, yeah!) showed me the pictures and said that the colon looks ok, maybe more sensitive than usual. The rest she will leave it to the doctor to tell me in November.

(in the anatomy of the digestive system, the colon is another name for the large intestine. the main function of the colon appears to be extraction of water from feces.)

so here you have it, my bottom up experience :-)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

the moon is very beautiful tonite

now that i have finished marking, i can sit by the window and stare at the moon. it's truly beautiful. yesterday was mid-autumn festival and it's said that tomorrow night's moon will be the roundest, brightest and most beautiful.

@ncy thinks i'm sad. she says only sad people thinks the moon is beautiful. um...maybe a little, today. not sure if it's physical exhaustion (the gym work from yesterday) or the conversation i had with vp this afternoon, or from marking those sets of "cannot be rationalished" scripts?

vp says i should come up with some plans to get myself out of this "situation", otherwise i'll still be in the same "situation" next year. i told him i was a happy, peaceful, satisfied and confident person 2 years ago. he asked, "so what happened?" i smiled. because i don't think the conversation was getting anywhere except making me feel worse.

about the scripts. some of the kids did surprising well. but most others did not show any sign of urgency. it's as if exams are the last thing on their minds. perhaps that's really the case. but why am i still disappointed? after all these years, shouldn't i hv gotten used to that already? what's wrong with me? what's wrong with us?

SC retired recently. i hv total admiration and respect for people like her. i'm so tired already. how do they manage to hang on till the end?

take a look at the moon, take a walk along the beach, watch a movie, read a book, bake a cake, blow a candle... Happy retirement, SC.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

mylifene@sph.com.sg


It was meant to be a getaway trip, one for us to unwind and stay far away from work. It did more than that. It brought lots of fun and laughter, and us closer to each other, and nature.

Mt Rinjani is situated east of Bali on the island of Lombok. It is an active volcano with a beautiful crater lake in its centre and rises to 3,726m, making it the second highest volcanic peak in Indonesia.

Our trek up Rinjani was tougher than I thought. We started from Sembalun Lawang, up to the crater rim where we would attempt the summit push the following day.

Our guide woke us up at 2am, shortly after we managed to snooze a little amidst the sound of the howling wind. By 3am, we were on our way up. In the dark, all we felt was cold, strong wind and not much of the height. It was only towards day break that the realisation of how high we were set in. When our guide told us that we were about 100m from the summit, we decided to turn back as the wind was way too strong.

Without of the pressure of conquering the summit, the trek became more enjoyable and lighter. Trotting down towards the lake was a rather “calculated” experience. Because of the sharp turns and huge rocks, one tends to be extra careful.

The lake is beautiful and that camp site was the most scenic. With mountains towering over us and a lake right in front, we enjoyed the luxury of the hot spring and barbequed fish fresh from the lake.

Other than being impressed by the porters who helped us redefine what physical abilities and limits a man ought to have, one other thing got into my head. The attempt up to the summit brought this up very clearly: everything and everyone has a place in life. In the dark, we were relying on everything and anything that’s there to help us stabilise, whether it’s grass, a piece of rock or just sand and gravel.

Trips like this one always give us the space and time to think about what has happened and what can happen. Since wallowing in self-pity is not exactly the best thing to do, we usually tend to work hard and then enjoy life to the most. Afterall, what really matters in the end is that we will always have our friends and family with us. Thank you all for a great trip, again.

Monday, September 17, 2007

they climb volcano in slippers (the original piece)

Home > Life! > Life People > Story
Sep 17, 2007
They climb volcano in slippers
Urban males are wimps. If you want to know what manly is, just travel to Third World countries
By Teo Cheng Wee

THIS time last week, I was on my last legs trudging up Indonesia's Gunung Rinjani with three friends.

Situated east of Bali on the island of Lombok, Rinjani is an active volcano with a scenic crater lake in its centre. It's also the country's second highest volcanic peak - a fact that became increasingly apparent to me on my ascent.

I had been climbing since 3am that morning to escape the heat and by 8am was pretty much running on empty. My body was sore, the sun had already risen and was beating down on my weary face, and my lips were parched because I didn't bring enough water.
And the 3,726m summit was another hour away.

It might as well have been 3,726 hours away. Our thighs, stinging from nine hours of trekking and climbing the day before, felt like they were going to give way any minute.

Perhaps as a form of encouragement, our Indonesian guide, Kian, told me that no Singaporean he had escorted had failed to make it to the top.

Now Singaporeans really hate to spoil a record, so we continued, willing ourselves up that infernal trail, losing one step for every two we took on the loose scree.
By the time we made it to the top, we had barely enough energy to celebrate or really take in the sights, so heavy was our breathing.

But needless to say, our party of three guys and one girl were delighted that we had pushed ourselves as far as we did, and didn't bring any shame to Singapore.
On most days, this minor achievement for a fairly sedentary animal like myself should have got my chest all pumped up with masculine pride - and it did for a while. Yet I've never found myself feeling more macho and yet less macho at the same time.

You see, we had these five porters who had to tag along for the trip.
(Okay, I don't really mean that. They were very helpful local men we hired to carry our tents, cook our meals and clean up after us. I'm pretty sure we would have died some time on Day 2 if they didn't 'tag along'.)

Still, these were the very same guys who made me realise that however much my male ego may have been boosted by scaling this challenging peak, it still pales in comparison to the Real Deal.

If you want to see extraordinary, you need look no further than the quintet, who are Sasak natives on the island. The oldest looked like he was in his 40s, the youngest no more than his early 20s.

What they had in common were abundant fitness and steely grit.

At the summit's base camp, when the temperature dipped below 10 deg C and the howling winds chilled the four of us to the bone, we struggled to keep warm with our fancy thermal wear, fleece jackets and windbreakers in our windproof tent.

All our porters had was a thick blanket each and they huddled together by a fire for warmth.

When we were scaling Rinjani, we did it with good trekking equipment: polypropylene shirts that kept us cool, Gore-Tex trekking shoes that provided us with good cushioning and balance, and trekking poles that took the strain off our legs, among others.

Our porters were dressed in grubby T-shirts, sarongs and trudging up the mountain in - believe it or not - slippers.

Not that this ever seemed to affect them. Although we usually started trekking first, these Indonesian supermen would invariably catch up within an hour, after they had finished cleaning and packing up the camping gear.

Each man would easily be lugging some 20 to 30kg of camping equipment and food, their muscular shoulders balancing a thick bamboo pole with the wares on both ends as they navigated the rocks and paths with ease.

True, they probably had more experience climbing up this mountain.

But visiting a Third World country always makes me redefine what physical abilities and limits a man ought to have.

What we considered a minor milestone, it would have been laughed off as child's play by these men - literally.

Kian, who is 34, made my jaw drop when he told us that he had already climbed Rinjani when he was 10. The only peak I recall scaling at that age was the top of the playground slide.

It's not just the men in these places either - even the women sometimes seem more masculine than us urban jungle males.

In Myanmar, I remember a pint-sized villager in her 40s in the hills, carrying a full load of firewood on her tiny back as she overtook us on a walk.

In Laos, there was a grandmother guiding a group of young children down a waterfall's path. They waited impatiently for me as I gingerly made my way around the slippery rocks.

After I let them pass, they were out of sight in mere minutes.

These incidents are enough to make my male ego whimper, but since I have had a few days to reminisce about these memorable incidents since returning home, I feel I would still rather celebrate my own little breakthrough on Gunung Rinjani and the ruggedness of the men living and working on the mountain.

After all, wallowing in self-pity would be even less macho.

chengwee@sph.com.sg

they climb in slippers!

Subject: they climb in slippers!
Date: Monday, September 17, 2007 11:17 am
To: chengwee@sph.com.sg

Dear Mr Teo

Thank you for the very timely article.

You see, me and 4 crazy friends embarked on that same journey one week before you did. So your story came at the very appropriate moment for us to "look back and reflect". Is it time for a 36-year-old man to stop putting his life in danger? (and who says driving is not dangerious?) That 3,726m was.........very far. And no, we did not reach the summit. The wind was way too strong. (If Kian has us in his group, we'd have broken his record.) Our guide said that we were 100m away from the top. People who overtook us on the way up and overtook us again on the way down said that the view was not so different from the top than from where we turned back. I think the bottom line is: we tried. We all can't be Mother Teresa, but we do good anyway.

And the slippers! The thick blankats! Supermen of Lombok! You captured all the thoughts I had during that longest 2 days of my life (so it seemed). Other than redefining physical abilities and limits, trips like this also brings out the value friendship and togetherness. On this trip, my group met a very lovely French couple who instantly identified us as Singaporeans. They have come to work in Singapore and it's too bad that we only met them towards the very last days of their stay in Singapore. And they said we're kind of different from the other Singaporeans they know generally. We were not bold enough to ask further.

Thanks again for the very timely and well-written piece. Your article shall take up the final page of my photo album, when I eventually do it up.

Have a good one.

###############

Subject: Re: they climb in slippers!
From: Teo Cheng Wee
Date: Monday, September 17, 2007 4:17 pm

Hi

Thanks for your email and sharing your story. I think we have a common bond now with that difficult experience on that mountain! But you're right - at least you tried and I'm sure that will provide with memories as deep as anyone who made it to the top.

Don't give up though. Maybe you guys can return to conquer it another day. =)

Cheers,
Cheng Wee

###############

Subject: Re: they climb in slippers!
Date: Monday, September 17, 2007 4:26 pm
To: Teo Cheng Wee

i think the sun is nice enough from 100m away from the summit. no need for a re-climb :)

u hv a good one too!

kolkota

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/printfriendly/0,4139,141395,00.html

Subject: kolkata
Date: Sunday, September 9, 2007 3:00 pm
To: tzeyong@sph.com.sg

Dear Mr Ng

Congratulations on a very real, touching and heart-warming report on Kolkata.

Your story comes at the very moment when I think I have to take a break from my 10 years of teaching. I've just came back from trekking in Lombok, Indonesia and last December I was in Nepal and India. Recently I've also been contacting marvellous and beautiful people working in Kenya and Thailand.

Mother Teresa's story is all inspiring but what's more important is what comes after. I'd be very grateful if you could share some of your personal experience while volunteering at the House and advise on how I may be able to embark on a similar journey.

Anxiously,

##########

Subject: Re: kolkata
From: Ng Tze Yong
Date: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 4:31 pm

Hi,

I don't think I can enlighten you very much on a similar journey. I'm pretty sure that with what you've done and where you've gone, you are already experiencing much of what I experienced. People ask me why I go abroad to help and I cannot really explain why. Not that I don't help here, but I feel that, as politically-incorrect as it is to say this, there's really no comparison. There are poor people here and you cannot compare pain, but at the end of the day, none of the poor people here eat tree bark or starve to death, as they do in many countries.

When I go to these places, I am not trying to change the world. I'm just a volunteer with one or two weeks at most. Maybe I'll share this story someone once told me to explain.

In this 50s, there was a big hoo haa about nuclear testing in america. One particular big test was coming up, and in San Francisco, a big crowd of people protested. The govt listened, but proceeded with the plans anywhere.

On the day of the test, one man turned up in the desert, holding a placard, still protesting. A reporter went up to him and asked: "What are you doing? Nothing you do will change anything. The test will still continue, whether you hold up this placard or not."

The man replied: I'm not trying to change the world. I'm trying to stop the world from changing me.

Hope it inspires you as much as it did for me. Keep in touch!

Ng Tze Yong
Journalist
The New Paper

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

one half - 881



when royston tan came to the school to give that assembly talk, i had no idea i was speaking to the man who made this show. he is this humble, friendly guy who explained why he was late and what happened to his flight the previous week. a rare celebrity, i'd call him.

watched 881 with HL, @ncy and bK on National Day. How else to celebrate our country's 42nd birthday? i'm really quite proud of the show. it's homemade and totally heartwarming. there were tears, of course.

and i love the song too. catchy melody and mega meaningful lyrics. and whoever sang it sang it so well and real. the hokkien verses made the song more authentic and closer to the heart. bravo! bravo! bravo!

think i'll buy a copy of the dvd to keep when it's out, kind of like trying to preserve our culture. a tiny bit. try.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

zoo again?

it's not even been a while yet and i'm back at the zoo. already. thanks to @ngy and iC for the tickets, the whole gang had lot's of fun. muah!



this time it's with the kids. and i think they're possibly the reason why i'm so tired this weekend. weekends are meant to be rest days. rest and relax. relax yes, but i don't think i'm getting enough rest. the kids are so hyper. and as far as i know, these 2 are the less hyper ones. and already i'm screaming "tired"!. but yet at the same time they are so adorable i wish i can see them everyday :)


i just hope that i'll have a good, quiet, peaceful week ahead. same to you if that's what you are asking for.

Monday, August 6, 2007

happy birthday, singapore



it's our first time at a ndp (preview).

i think there probably isn't going to be a next time for me until quite some time later. and so i wonder why people go to ndp year after year. it's really a little too much work for me.

but i still would like to applaud the thousands of people involved in the show - parade contingents, dancers, musicians, etc. after months of hard work, the big day is coming soon. let's pray for good weather and a fantastic show on 9th Aug 2007!

happy 42nd birthday, Singapore!

Sunday, August 5, 2007

ten years (or more?)

when they come up to you and say "hi", and you can't remember them or take a while to do so, i can think of 2 things:

1. far too long.....i've been here for quite some time now.
2. i must hv done something nice, for otherwise they wouldn't have come forward.

Singapore Girl
--------------
I was on my way to Bali for a weekend getaway with @ncy, bK and the rest. the drama of that trip was that i didn't get my tickets confirmed until 5 am the morning the plane was supposed to take off. but that's another story. while i was looking for my seat on that singapore plane, a girl tried to help me with my bag. then she said, "do you happen to be Mr Tan?" and i thought i must have been the 1,000,000th passenger or something for a stewardess to know my name. Her name tag said "shuhui" and she said i thought her english. totally not possible. but she did get my name right.

DBS Girl
--------
I'm usually in and out of parkway parade within 2 hours each time i go there. but this day, i was having lunch with stef who has just flew in from indonesia. we were waiting in line to draw money at the atm when this girl at the next queue asked, "are you Mr Tan?" i tried to recall and thankfully i was honest enough not to say i remembered her. turned out, i have not taught her but she "has seen me around in school". i wished her a great day.

Tamil @ Prison
--------------
He works there. I was there every wednesday evening last year. this year it's mondays. we gathered as usual at the gate until some officer comes to escort us to the classrooms. this indian guy walked past us and then turned back and called out "Mr Tan". and i immediately recognised that smile. i have always missed my 5A1s. i always like 5A1s.

Girl on MRT
-----------
It was after watching ndp preview. i hardly ride on the train nowadays so it's really great to bump into someone who knows you when you do so. She said, "Hi Mr Tan." I pretended to recognise her and i suspect that she didn't think i was pretending. Because the journey lasted more than a few stations, i had to do the adult thing and behaved like one in public. We talked for a bit and she did an almost touching thing. She said that she's still using my class notes now. She is studying early childhoon education.

Girl at Macdonald's
-------------------
This was the night before the opening of Harmony Room. We worked late and i decided to bring the kids to Macdonal's for a happy meal. Just as we were about to start eating, this fellow-patron-of-the-(fastfood)-restaurant at the next table said, "Hello Mr Tan". In front of two current students and a young colleague, I could not lie. So I admitted that I have aged and apologized for not remembering her. She tried to help me recall but I guess I have really aged too much. So I said, "anyway, it's great to run into you. teach your kids well for soon they'll be mine." She is working at a child care centre now.

I have a good feeling there will be lot's more. and i'm happy that there's going to be more. it really does feel quite good.

fun-filled day

when i left home at 8.45 in the morning yesterday, i didn't expect to get home only after 11.30 in the evening.

the day started with the 3 of us, actually it's just 2 (go figure that out), running at east coast. i always feel very good when i start my days exercising. there were lot's of people at the beach. many army guys, not my favourite species, but they certainly make up the group of people living life outside home and taking in fresh air and sunlight.

by the time we finished, it was time to get some food. uncle M is always there when everything else fails. nothing too fantastic but i always like sinful food, so i hv no problems with uncle M. after breaky, we got environmentally friendly and swung over to sh@ron's place in my airwave, leaving lucky and precious behind. this was "park-your-car-at-east-coast-and-get-into-one-car" day, our bit for the environment.

after cups of tea and a nice shower at sh@ron's, it's time to eat again. we drove to jalan tiga to get the famous channel 8 bao and then went over to old airport road hawker centre to eat (breathe in): hokkien mee, chicken wings, popiah, soursoup drink, tea/coffee and (the famous channel 8) rojak. it wasn't until after 6 that we decided we've over-stayed at one-single location and had to move on.

after dropping sh@ron at her mum's, we quickly got ourselves booked for a foot massage appointment. it was sooooooooo good. the food massage was good, the conversation was good, the people were nice. i give 3 and a half out of 5 stars. after 45 minutes of indulgence, it's time to add another member to the team.

HL hopped in at tampines and we invaded changi next. porta porta insisted that there's no place to house the 4 or us so we conqurered further towards changi point and ended up next to airfield. my ex-neighbour gave us a 10% vip discount and dinner cost $10 each for the night. bK and HL said they're 7/10 full, i was at 12/10.

And finally it was time to collect precious and lucky.

then it's home sweet home.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

porta porta

we were on our way to changi airport to eat at the soup restaurant when i decided i'll try my luck and bring mum to porta porta.

mum is usually skeptical about such adventures and can sometimes turn a happy occassion into a not-so-happy one. but i took my chances anyway.

seated at the table next to ours was this couple from the states, a black woman and a norwegian man. before we tucked into our food, mum acted cute and brought up her glass to propose a birthday toast. we "clinked" our glasses and the next table said "happy birthday". and this was followed by the most bizzare happening of the year, almost like fated to happen on this very day. the woman said that we've chosen to sit at the table next to theirs and they have come all the way from the states to sit next to us.

they arrived on monday and are going back tomorrow 5 am. she works for hp and he is self-employed, some kind of property business. they are staying at shangri-la and some colleague recommended them this restaurant, so they took a 45-min taxi ride from town to the east.

she saw my purple t-shirt, a gift from stef, and said that's where they're from - washington. then (the bizzare thing), she for whatever reason i can't remember, mentioned university of portland. bingo! that's where i intended to go to (at least, that's the university i put down as my first choice in the scholarship application - which i failed to get) she offered to help me pull some strings and so i naturally had to offer my name cards. that's when she said "you've come to sit next to us and we've come from the states to eat at this restaurant", or something like that.

mum said i should offer to send them back to the hotel. and this, i think i got it from mum, this side of her. it was too easy to catch a cab from outside the restaurant, so i had no reason to offer them a ride. all i could say was that when they next come back to singapore, i'll show them around.

so this kind of marks this (2007 - 1971)th birthday.

(today i received a few sms from overseas: peter in perth, wendy in nz, richard in china and stef in the states. @ncy msn-ed from china and thierry sent the card from uk. very internationally celebrated, hee)

happy birthday to me.

http://food.rumspace.com/2007/02/02/porta-porta-italian-restaurant/

Monday, July 23, 2007

turning 36 or 37?

i seriously can't remember. i hv to use 2007 to subtract my year of birth.

this is quite an "eventful" year, if i may call it so. it's not even my birthday yet and i've already had a few nice surprises. m@rt, theres@ and i had a nice dinner at fish & co the other nite, a "sort of" birthday dinner for post-m@rt and pre-mine birthday celebration. last nite ic, bK, @ncy, sh@ron and i had dinner at the ex-punggol restaurant at changi. after dinner we went back to ic's place and they surprised me with a lovely cake from conrad(!).

today i received a lovely card from tHierry, all the way from London. and my first thought was: how sweet, but he is one day late. then i kicked myself after i realised my b'day is not even here yet. how silly.

i think i'm losing track of time, or am i trying my best not to remember?

tHierry sent a beautiful card: hope this card will reach you on time. take a moment to look at this card and relax, breathe and enjoy the peace and tranquility this picture brings you. when this is done, Go and Enjoy Yourself. such a thoughtful guy. thanks, my friend.

there's still half a cake left in the fridge. simple pleasures.....last.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

crashing

after trying to log on to the system for about 45 minutes, i eventually gave up and packed up. in a sms 40 minutes ago, gN said i should pack up and go join juli@n@ and her for dinner.

i think this is possibly the first time since i started that i feel it so 'up' in my chest. almost choking me already. endless.

i'm rather reluctant to think of myself as less capable and hence not coping. the truth is, before the thought of one 'thing' flashes across my head, the next 'thing' comes pushing its way through. it is so tiring.

constant rings of concerns keep circling in the head. but it really can't be that bad. deep breath helps, tea helps, walk around a bit helps, in fact going to class becomes theraputic.

i need to go finalise the papers now.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

good nite, eng soon

one of those sms that catches you off guard.

eng soon's passing came as a shock. i had no idea he had been in the hospital for the past 6 months. he must have suffered quite a bit.

it's so difficult to start writing about a friend who has just recently passed on. images float into your head but you can't seem to be able to catch hold of any of them. other than those times we spent together at HWA, the most memorable time we had must have been that trip to tasmania. otherwise, he is this kind, always smiling, chatty and hardworking friend.

how is it that we lose friends like this?

i feel this weird sensation in my tummy now. it is as if i want to talk to someone and yet at the same time also wish to be left alone.

perhaps now is the best time to just go to bed and see how things are when i wake up tomorrow.

good nite, eng soon.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

cousins & friends


xiaojia says i should include pictures and write about them.

somehow as we grow older, we tend to speak to cousins more. i think von and miin are closer than before. sh@ron and me also. now we are big kids playing together, something that we missed out in our childhood. now that we've become sensible adults, we find the correct click and get on from there. perhaps it is also the polite thing to do.

afterall, family is most important, isn't it? and cousins are family. and to me, friends come just as close.



first heard michael w smith's friends when sh@ron brought me to bedok bethesda church to watch that play. i didn't really pay attention to the song then, except that the tune and title sounds familar and easy to remember. now i hear this song again and am touched by the simplicity of it all. the message, the music, the song.

and it makes me remember shuli@n, a friend i lost to cancer. she must be in heaven now.

Friday, July 6, 2007

turning 36

this time i feel it coming.

there was this phase when i lost track of time and doesn't know it's coming. some years i even forgot about it. some years i can't remember my age and have to take whatever the year to subtract 71 to know my own age. this time round i'm crystal clear: 35 turning 36.

(sigh...)

but why sigh? life is good to me. i got a job, decently paid. i can drive to wherever i want to, whenever i want to. i brought mum and aunts to macau & hong kong. i brought the whole gang to eat xiao long pao. and i have a pair of lovely niece and nephew.

LY says i'm a little pessimistic. i'm not sure if i should agree with that.

the other nite yZ and i went for supper. he asked this very mature question: what is life? i still think of myself as his teacher, so i said "you'll find out when you find out."

june has come and gone. very soon july will be over too. i look at the books in my room and think of how lucky i am.

Monday, June 25, 2007

the minack theatre

this is one of the nicest place i've visited in england. twice!

http://www.minack.com/

sitting on the stone bench and watching that tiny man try to fish, or was he just standing there waiting to see the sun set? the drama that comes before you in truly dramatic. after the sun goes down, stars appear and before you know it, the backdrop of the stage has totally changed.

was there first in 2001 (24th July, The Unsinkable Molly Brown), then in 2003 sh@ron, v0n and junyu@n went along (19th June, The Odyssey). i loved it both times, and i still do.

it's a truly beautiful place. also mousehole, st michael's mount, st ives and land's end. so beautiful. i really want to go back to penzance again. and the next time, i'll bring mum. i will.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

5 days 4 nights

not sure how and when i fell sick, but i did fall sick.

this 5d4n trip to macau & hong kong was certainly most exhausting. like bK said, too many activities, too little rest. i think i should set a rule not to fly budget for distance further than bangkok. 3 hrs 30 mins on a plane, restricted movements and little fluid intake is perhaps too much for me, and i suppose worse for mum. so no more budget airline (for distance further than bangkok).

meeting mart and theresa was perhaps the best that could have happened. they are such angels, sacrificing their shopping time to bring us around. and they are such fun people too. and of course bK, iC and Rth are all very accomodating. thanks, pals.

school's starting again soon (too soon!) and i'm so not prepared for that. maybe this falling ill has got nothing to do with the weather, the travelling, the cold ... maybe this falling ill is largely because of stress. i am really getting a little tired of the job. not that the job is exactly tiring but i just feel lazy and restless. and the short trip really didn't quite help, did it?

but i'm glad i brought mum out. this may not be the best trip we've taken, but it's one more we've taken together. so that must be a good thing :)

Sunday, June 10, 2007

seeing double

one good thing about my brother is that he knows how to make the best of things. he is a very positive person, much more than i am. i don't know why i am writing this about him but i guess someday he should know that i think quite highly of him, with respect to this.

today bro and wife brought kaikai and yingying on a bus ride. they went to ride on a double-decker. kind of like a nice, fun family excursion except that the air-conditioning could have been too cold on the bus.

and bro took the twin-seater sofa in my study to put it in his van. now that has become a luxurious van, the most luxurious one i've seen. that's my brother. he comes up with cheap, crazy and yet brilliant ideas. i think he got that from dad. father was very good with things too. he was very good with his hands and very intelligent.

i often think that father will be very pleased with bro if he is still here today. he would be a happy grandfather. and i sometimes wonder what he'd say about the flat now.

time heals. does it?

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

a mean thing

this office girl from hwa called.

"hello, may i speak to chch pls?"

"this is chch speaking, how may i help u?"

"we are looking for volunteers to sell donation tickets this weekend"

"um...sorry, i am not available."

hwa girl chuckles

"did i say something funny?"

"i haven't told you the time and you already say you're not available, hee hee. what about next weekend?"

"i still don't think that's funny."

"so is this only for this period of time or are you not available to volunteer anymore"

"i can't speak to you now. thanks for calling"

after i hung up the phone, i immediately called sher and told her the story.

what is it in us that makes us want to be mean to people? how much does it take to be nice? we constantly bombard ourselves and others the niceness of being nice and yet, we are the very people who steal moments like this and try to use them to justify our wrongdoings. why can't everyone be like mother teresa? we need not save the whole world, just start being nice.

i'm so sorry, hwa girl. but i'm not sure if i'll have the guts to apologise if we meet someday.

may you have a good life.

little miss sunshine

i was hoping to see olive getting crowned and the whole family getting all happy and jumping and making the whole trip all worth it. but she didn't win. and who's to say that the family was not happy? why must we always win to be happy?


many times, it's the small things that we do together, the not-so-nice things, the "unplanned" things, that last forever. those things make a family realise that there is a family and we're all part of it.

everyone has a role in the family and all of them played their parts well. this is a good movie, and of course, not everyone's going to be able to see that. most, unfortunately, will say it is boring and unglamourous. and i've learnt to realise that it isn't worth it to insist and push one's points across. they just don't get it and it's ok to leave them alone.

have a sunshine day, in your heart.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

the blower's daughter

how could anyone write such a sad song?

of course someone could. it's been written!



this morning bk sent a link to the latest addition to his multiply, also a song - eason's buru bu jian

http://music.zjkubi.com/êÃžÃˆÃ‘¸-²»ÃˆÃ§²»¼Ã».mp3

i'm coming to appreciate musical talent a lot nowadays, be it singing, writing, arranging or performing. and somehow i wish i still play the violin.

Monday, June 4, 2007

why tengboche

a few people had asked why "subzerotenboche" and i shall explain now.

"subzero" because it was really cold, and "tenboche" is where i thought i was going to die last december.
i captioned this picture like this in my kodak online album: in this room i had my first ever panic-attack. i woke up in the middle of the nite and couldn't sleep. it was so hard to breathe. i took off my socks and thermal and still didn't feel good.

that was the highest and furthest we were going on that trip, my first time in nepal. i guess the air was far too thin for me and all of a sudden, the sleeping bag became too warm and too tight. i felt so uncomfortable i had to get up and get out of the room. and as if that wasn't enough, i went out of our "hotel", ignoring the fact that it could be dangerous out there on a cold, quiet night. i just had to breathe.

other than this little episode (which nearly took my life), the trip was beautiful. the trek was good, the company was fantastic, the scenery was magnificient, the mountains were huge, and we were so tiny. when what stands before you is one huge mountain, all you can do is take a deep breathe and tell yourself: you are so lucky you're seeing this.


and then you look at the people and you wander: how do they do this? my students come to school thinking that i owe them the world. these kids walk two hours to school each day and they only start school at 10 am because they need to do some chores at home in the morning. i went back to school and told the few nepalese in 4e5: you are so lucky to be here. arn't we all?

side note: thanks quietnorth for reading my posts and for sharing the little story about you and your father. since you're not going to get any information regarding vesak day by reading my previous posts, i'm going to extract this bit from http://www.sg/explore/people_festivals.htm

"The Buddhists observe Vesak Day, which denotes perfection and commemorates the birth, enlightenment and Nirvana (liberation from earthly passions and desires) of the Buddha. Vesak falls on the full moon day in the fifth month of the year. The occasion is marked by chanting, recitations and offerings at shrines; the ritualistic bathing of Prince Siddartha's (the earthly name of the Buddha) statue; the practice of vegetarianism; and the release of captive animals. Temples are also decorated with flags, lights and flowers, and vegetarian meals are served to those present."

We have eleven public holidays per year here in Singapore: Chinese New Year (2 days), Hari Raya Puasa, Hari Raya Haji, Vesak Day, Deepavali, Good Friday, Christmas, Labour Day, National Day and New Year's Day - it's 2 per ethnic group, and 3 for all :)








Thursday, May 31, 2007

a love song for bobby long

i have not heard of this movie until today. together with closer and spanglish, it was in a 3-in-1 dvd set. i thought it was a rather simple plot, and perhaps it's this simplicity that caught my attention. i sat through the movie and i thought it was really good.

at the end of the movie, bobby long died. and i just felt this tightness in my chest. deaths, people dieing, people falling sick, people on hospital beds...all these make me feel really sad nowadays. it's the kind of sadness that suffocates you and makes you want to take deep breaths.

tuesdays with morrie didn't quite do me any good, did it? morrie said when u learn how to die, you learn how to live. i'd want to pick up the book and read it one more time but what i do is pick up a trashy-easy-to-read-no-brainer fiction.

this is going to be a working holiday. apart from the 4 days in macau/hk, i'm going to be seeing myself in school every working day. that's pathetic. somehow when i shut my eyes and let my mind wonder, i can feel the drift oozing out of the head, kind of like bringing me to still.

according to the horoscope experts at straits times, today is suppose to be a good day for me. i'm still around, so that has to be good, ya?

happy vesak day.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

frog

i must have heard this story quite some time ago. but somehow, the other day while i was driving, the story came back to me and i knew i had to tell the kids.

so today i told 5a1 and 4e4 about the frog and the boiling water. tomorrow i'll tell 5a2 and 4e5 (if they are good).

the story goes: we put a frog into a beaker of water at room temperature and put a small flame to heat up the water (and the beaker, and the frog), the frog gets comfortable with the warmth, snuggle up and even begin to enjoy it. but as the temperature goes up and the water get heated up, the frog eventually dies in the beaker. now we take another beaker, fill it with water and heat up the water (and beaker) till the water starts to boil. we then put in a living frog. it is quite natural to expect the frog to leap out of the hot water and save itself.

the morale of the story is: these kids (not all, but quite a huge majority) and soaking in the comfort of being tolerated and taking things for granted, not knowing that they are cooking themselves to death. i told them to imagine that it's the day of exam tomorrow when they wake up, perhaps that might shock them out of their own wonderland.

class dismiss.

Monday, May 28, 2007

from zero to millionaire

$100,000 a month, is that ever possible?

i thought i was a little (ok, very!) silly and unreal when i wrote $10k a month when t. harv eker asked the audience to write down the 'goal in personal income' in 5 years' time. then he said, "add one more zero at the back."

i took notes on this second day at the conference because mr eker really spoke very convincingly. he has to! he is a motivational speaker and i give me a lot of credit for that. also because i thought many of his quotes i could adapt and use them in my classes - whether or not i eventually do that is another matter altogether.

* For some of us, motivation comes from (1) anger, and (2) fear. If this is the case, then we have to delete these roots of motivation and replace them with roots of joy such that we can and we will enjoy what we do. we can and we will get rich and be happy at the same time. These should be roots of purpose and service.

* Rich people has blue prints set for high level of success.

* Victims (1) tend to blame, (2) justify their situation - money is not that important afterall, and (3) complain - worst possible thing one can do for his own wealth and health because what one focuses on expands.

* (This I MUST remember to say to my students.) Whether you do or not is not a big deal to me but it is a big deal to you.

* There is a difference between 'play to win' and 'play not to lose' - it's offensive vs defencive and active vs passive.

* (This is reality check.) Comfortable leads to comfortable and does not lead to rich. To be rich, one needs to be uncomfortable (first). If one sets the goal too low, one hits them!

* So why get rich? (1) lifestyle, (2) contribution, and (3) for who you have to become (in character, habits, etc).

* "You want to climb Mt Everest not because of the stupid top! It's because of who you want to be - strong, determined, successful."

* 'Admire + Model' vs 'Resent + Jealousy'

* Bless that rich you want.

* Act in spite of fear. Do not let fear stop you. Fear the fear but do it anyway.

The jaw-dropping moment at the conference was when eker announced the "best deal" and people literally rushed out of their seats to force their credit cards onto the counter staff. it was like nothing i've seen before (obviously i haven't seen much). for $1,995, you get packages a, b, c, d and e (i think). such a fantastic deal. i am happy for all the eager peope them because there is so much hope (at least at that moment they must be feeling very hopeful) and i sincerely wish them all the very best.

it's never too easy for anyone to jump out of a comfort zone. we are not too fond of taking risks. or perhaps we are just too lazy and use this risk-averse "nature" of ours as an excuse.

so tell me, who says 40 years isn't long enough?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

achievers

mr wang from youth guidance gave me tickets to nat'l achievers congress. i was so excited because it seemed like a huge thing to me, and also that the tickets are $200 each.

so this afternoon, bk, rth and i went.

this guy must be some guru in the business world. he was speaking about how to make money (of cos!) and how to make it fast. the three of us were joking around and poking fun at the things he said and saying how this felt like a cityharvest gathering. he asked the audience "what did you earn last week?" according to him, if we don't know how much we earned last week, that's a no-no. he earned slightly more than a million dollars (sing, i think) last week. and i told bk "i earned the respect of 350 students last week".

the amazing thing was that when he asked to audience to say "oh", they said "oh"; when he said "turn to your neighbour and say 'ah!'", they turned to their neighbours and said "ah!". it was so like cityharvest. people were actually taking notes. he showed a pyramid, and the guy next to bk drew a pyramid. he drew a graph and the guy followed religiously. i was just amazed.

we left after 15 minutes and went to the macau cafe for tea.

it was only this evening that it occurred to me that the guy who sat next to bk could have paid good money to attend the congress. he, like many others, probably really wanted to be there to learn the ropes and hopefully make it (rich)! i felt a little apologetic for my behaviour. with this new attitude, i shall attend tomorrow's session with an open mind.

i'm so proud of myself.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

email oprah

minutes ago, i sent a email to oprah winfrey at www.oprah.com i'm now at the final segment of the 6th dvd, last one in the set. once agian, i'm so thankful to Lub for giving me this beautiful present.

at her 50th birthday bash, josh groban sang "you raise me up", and again, tears, and more tears. it is so touching and so over-whelming. i'm thinking of showing the south africa segment to the sec 4 & 5 classes. more people should get to watch this. i might even try to squeeze that in during the staff retreat next month.

june is slipping in soon. other than von's wedding, there is also veron's wedding. then me, ic and bk would be going to macua and hongkong, and while we're there, we'll be having bk's birthday bash :) it'll be fun and i really look forward to that. rth is planning on getting all my aunties there too. he is too kind, really. what a dear friend. even i cannot figure what why he is doing this for my family, what so @ncy and d@ph? :)

just this one more week to go before school closes, somehow. and i can't wait.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

women's prog

my dear friend from soka invited me to yet another touching performance this afternoon. all women power - performers, crews, emcees, reception..., everything. i was touched because they could bring so many people together and at the same time give people hope, and happiness, which is essentially what living is all about to me.

gn introduced hassan. who is ced of lien foundation. gn told him i'm hoping to switch job. this young, modest, and i'm quite sure, smart, father of two, asked me a simple question: so what do you want to do? development work? well...just what do i want to do? if i'm going to leave the school?

i first came across the line "do not be an obstacle" from a hwa publicity poster. and that barbed wire picture stucked in my head. people face hardship all over, all kinds. a coffee shop, where people gather and have a drink, has created much happiness for some. getting involved in humanitarian work is very much like that. i think creating happiness should be the core business of more people :)

this late morning, bk and me went blading at east coast park. weather was good and lot's of people were enjoying the weekend. life should be this simple. you work hard, you play hard. when one has a problem, all try to fix it. no strangers at all.

still oprah

what a special woman. watching the show is like attending a lecture. most of the time i don't participate but there were moments when i laughed out loud, smiled, cried, felt sorrowful and hurt. the feeling was rather intense.

right now i just feel very powerless. this is like the feeling i had when we were out in the mountains in nepal. they were so huge, and we were so small, so tiny. sometimes, i can't help but compare, and ask: so what have you done?

kind of scary. @ncy said today at borders that she doesn't need to read a book to know that she has to live life to the fullest. she knows that she has to spend time with her family, and so on. so what's really stopping us? we were standing around talking about the kpmg ex-partner's book. like what i said to 5a1: do we have to feel pain to know pain?

many wise people has come into my life and many of them are still very much in my life. i'm truly grateful that we've crossed paths and some of these friendships i hold on to very dearly. truly, we've read enough books and heard enough stories to know what needs to be done. but the questions are: so what's stopping us? and are we really sure?

Friday, May 18, 2007

oprah's shows

i am so truly grateful to lub for giving me the oprah's dvds. there are 6 discs and i'm watching the 3rd now. it is such a humbling experience. i feel like this woman has such a big heart. not only is she giving, she is also forgiving, smart, poised and real.

i was telling the usual people at work today about what i watched last nite and i said oprah said she is many things, but so far has not got vanity into her, or something like that. and LH said, "but she lost weight and her jewellery and all that, how could she have not vanity got into her?". and i could not control myself. i said, "why are you so skeptical? why can't you be happy for her and believe that she could be who she says she is?"

after i got home, i thought about that again. why is it that we can't celebrate people's success? why should we always think that there must be some dirty secrets if he or she is successful? so what if there are? can't we just be happy for them and celebrate their successes? and what's so wrong with spending money on herself if she has earned it. if we could all be a little less skeptical, then perhaps there could be a little less negative energy around here.

it's the same with belinda's xi you ji. LH also commented that she's a actress, maybe all that on tv was just her acting. that's after i said i'm convinced that belinda's done a great job and that the show has changed my perception about her. why can't we just believe that her tears are real? is it that difficult to believe that successful people can be real?

i think this is really media influencing in a very powerful and positive way. and i still want to thank my dear friend lub for that fabulous present.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

small favours

i hv to write abt 2 things today.

last wed after kbc, i spoke to lub for about an hour on the phone. at the end of the conversation, she said i should seriously consider asking for a transfer. she said that her heart palpitated and it was that bad. today, i got a gift from her, through her sister - the oprha winfrey show (20th anniversary collection). the stories are incredible. as soon as i started to cry, i sms-ed lub and thanked her for the wonderful gift

it's not the gift that i m writing about, it's the thought behind it. i hv such a dear friend i should really be very thankful for. i am going to have such a great time savouring the show, and a great friend to last forever.

the 2nd thing is a bit silly. this evening i called 3 banks to ask for waiver of late charges. in the midst of all the may day fun and excitment (and perhaps a bit of work stress), i totally forgot to pay my bills, all 3 of them. all banks waived it, and kindly they did for this is not the first time in recent months! the lady from citibank even did it even before i asked for it to be waived. she said it was within her limit and she thought i could have overlooked. such a dear. she should know that she has made someone delighted today. i thank her very much.

time to wind down for the evening...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

mao shang wang

last nite the 4 of us went in search of the durian (i keep having difficulty speeling the word - durian or durain?) went from balestier to serangoon. 3 durians plus mangosteens -- $50. life is so simple. it's a matter of wanting something, getting it, and then go back to sleep.

and then of cos the other talk of the day was the girl who died after spending 8 hours with her lap top. daph says stress could be self-induced. i think we are never too sure of anything. the worst of it all was that the boss said she was not over-worked. so the moral of the story: either you don't work, or you work and tell your boss you're working very hard.

exams are over and marking is done. terrible results, worst in 10 years. it's like a all-time low. but the sad thing is, i'm not even that sad or disappointed. many people has come and expressed their opinions about me wanting a change. i'm really interested to know how people make decisions. how do they do it?

i think i need some intellectual stimulation, in a fun way, like "friends". anyone has "ally mcbeal"?