Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
折磨人的晨跑
你一定以为我会说周末一大早起身跑步最折磨人，但那却是为了让我维持平静，维持镇定。
跑着跑着，为什么泪水又跟汗水交叉落下？像2008年12月在台中Cali的跑步机上；像阿桑死去那个下午我边跑边哭听完她那张“寂寞在唱歌”。今天让我莫名其妙开始掉眼泪的是黄小琥的“没那么简单”。
我快快跑，因为我想要冲出这个困境，冲到一个我可以大声叫喊的地方。
我慢慢跑，因为我害怕跑到终点了又怎么样？不是说跑完全程就会有奖牌吗？最起码也要有一丝成就感，不是吗？但是这次会有吗？
在快跑与慢跑之间，我的小脑袋里面反复不停地在重播发生了的事，还有彩排那些我想发生的事。脚动得快，脑筋也在转得快；脚动得慢，脑精还是在快快地转动着。
终点就是起点，像人生一样。离那个点还差大约五百米，我几乎喘不过气想要放弃，想要不跑了开始走的时候，不知道那里来的牛力让我拼了这一条38岁不值钱的老命，一直冲下去。直到过了那个点，我才“咳，咳，咳”地拼命呼吸。
我会又开始冲是因为那是我的直觉，那个是最原始的我。撕开面具的我是没有耐性的。我需要有一个想得到看得到的终点，让我努力冲过去。我可以咬紧牙关毫无顾虑地冲过去。但是这次我错了。
我不是一个会有理想有梦的人。从小到大我都不会想未来，想前途。我是一个没有计划没有志气的家伙。但是这次我错了。
给我一个重来的机会。
求求你让晨跑不再折磨我。
跑着跑着，为什么泪水又跟汗水交叉落下？像2008年12月在台中Cali的跑步机上；像阿桑死去那个下午我边跑边哭听完她那张“寂寞在唱歌”。今天让我莫名其妙开始掉眼泪的是黄小琥的“没那么简单”。
我快快跑，因为我想要冲出这个困境，冲到一个我可以大声叫喊的地方。
我慢慢跑，因为我害怕跑到终点了又怎么样？不是说跑完全程就会有奖牌吗？最起码也要有一丝成就感，不是吗？但是这次会有吗？
在快跑与慢跑之间，我的小脑袋里面反复不停地在重播发生了的事，还有彩排那些我想发生的事。脚动得快，脑筋也在转得快；脚动得慢，脑精还是在快快地转动着。
终点就是起点，像人生一样。离那个点还差大约五百米，我几乎喘不过气想要放弃，想要不跑了开始走的时候，不知道那里来的牛力让我拼了这一条38岁不值钱的老命，一直冲下去。直到过了那个点，我才“咳，咳，咳”地拼命呼吸。
我会又开始冲是因为那是我的直觉，那个是最原始的我。撕开面具的我是没有耐性的。我需要有一个想得到看得到的终点，让我努力冲过去。我可以咬紧牙关毫无顾虑地冲过去。但是这次我错了。
我不是一个会有理想有梦的人。从小到大我都不会想未来，想前途。我是一个没有计划没有志气的家伙。但是这次我错了。
给我一个重来的机会。
求求你让晨跑不再折磨我。
Thursday, January 21, 2010
the difference
some kids are just different.
can we really blame them for being unmotivated and uninterested?
i thought my life was tough growing up. so i thought.
we were not well to do, but we had a clean home and i slept on a bed.
guess we can't really blame them for being unmotivated and uninterested.
can we?
p/s despite the unpleasant feeling from the home visit, the day ended well with a nice, comfortable time over dinner and ... tha'N'ks :)
can we really blame them for being unmotivated and uninterested?
i thought my life was tough growing up. so i thought.we were not well to do, but we had a clean home and i slept on a bed.
guess we can't really blame them for being unmotivated and uninterested.
can we?
p/s despite the unpleasant feeling from the home visit, the day ended well with a nice, comfortable time over dinner and ... tha'N'ks :)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
老爸的朋友送的
这是我们搬来这里后老爸的朋友送的。
1983年至今，我就长大了这么多。
1983年至今，这个钟还是停了。要长年累月坚守岗位，为一户人家任劳任怨地嘀嗒着，它是老爸走后给我留下来的回忆。每天向它望去几次，今天想要把它丢了，我就是下不了手，像是我永远不会忘了死去的人一样。
看老爸写得一手那么端正的字。他就是一个那么仔细的人，什么事都要记得清清楚楚。
每次一个人到“修德”去，我都要变回那个十来岁的孩子。
岁月真是不饶人。从前在学校写作文的时候，哪里知道自己在写些什么。现在感叹光阴似箭，其实是在惋惜自己没有好好过日子，愚笨地浪费了空气。
老爸在这个家各个角落都留下了些许东西。有时候夜深人静，我就会到处看看，仿佛老爸还在。
好想听他再骂我一次。
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
my day in 60 seconds
6.30am Wakes up
6.55am Drives off to school
7.25am Arrives at school. For some reason, traffic was a bit slow this morning
8.00am Flag raising ceremony
8.05am Briefs 4 students on "Open Little Eyes" Conference
8.15am Drives off to Chris' mum-in-law's funeral wake
9.05am Back in school. Never did get to the wake because of one wrong turn at the complicated Kallang area and was not going to be late for class, so we turned back.
9.15am Class starts
10.15am Class ends
10.20am Second attempt to get to the wake
11.20am Back in school. Second attempt was successful
11.25am Quick bite before class
11.45am Class starts
2.45pm Class ends. Exhausted
3.00pm Drives off to gym
4.20pm Leaves gym
4.55pm Arrives at clinic for H1N1 jab
5.20pm Back home to grab a sandwich
5.35pm Drives off to cello class
5.55pm Arrives at Sengkang. Forgotten that Allison has gone away. Somehow was quite relived because was really quite tired by now
6.25pm Back home to nap
7.45pm Wakes up. Caught a bit of korean drama on tv
8.05pm Drives off to Giant with mum. Had dinner there
9.40pm Leaves Giant and heads to bro's place
10.15pm Leaves bro's place
10.35pm Back home and got scared by the list of unread mails
6.55am Drives off to school
7.25am Arrives at school. For some reason, traffic was a bit slow this morning
8.00am Flag raising ceremony
8.05am Briefs 4 students on "Open Little Eyes" Conference
8.15am Drives off to Chris' mum-in-law's funeral wake
9.05am Back in school. Never did get to the wake because of one wrong turn at the complicated Kallang area and was not going to be late for class, so we turned back.
9.15am Class starts
10.15am Class ends
10.20am Second attempt to get to the wake
11.20am Back in school. Second attempt was successful
11.25am Quick bite before class
11.45am Class starts
2.45pm Class ends. Exhausted
3.00pm Drives off to gym
4.20pm Leaves gym
4.55pm Arrives at clinic for H1N1 jab
5.20pm Back home to grab a sandwich
5.35pm Drives off to cello class
5.55pm Arrives at Sengkang. Forgotten that Allison has gone away. Somehow was quite relived because was really quite tired by now
6.25pm Back home to nap
7.45pm Wakes up. Caught a bit of korean drama on tv
8.05pm Drives off to Giant with mum. Had dinner there
9.40pm Leaves Giant and heads to bro's place
10.15pm Leaves bro's place
10.35pm Back home and got scared by the list of unread mails
Sunday, January 10, 2010
午夜慢跑
今天晚上我想看电影
前后发了两则简讯
哎呀！我在JB，你又不早说
不好意思,刚到伦敦机场,后个星期回去
于是我翻出手机里的相片
挑了三张
胡乱写了几句
最后还是按耐不住
找来我最可以依赖的伙伴
ipod和跑步鞋
跑步去
曲目如下：
1。遗憾 - 方炯镔
2。圆缺 - 杨千桦
3。没那么简单 - 黄小琥
4。自己的电影 - 周惠，成龙
最后是 English Folk Song Suite
回到起点还在喘气的时候
耳机里是刘畊宏在唱他的佳作
彩虹天堂
这样一个晚上
是应该可以平静下来的
可是 。。。
前后发了两则简讯
哎呀！我在JB，你又不早说
不好意思,刚到伦敦机场,后个星期回去
于是我翻出手机里的相片
挑了三张
胡乱写了几句
最后还是按耐不住
找来我最可以依赖的伙伴
ipod和跑步鞋
跑步去
曲目如下：
1。遗憾 - 方炯镔
2。圆缺 - 杨千桦
3。没那么简单 - 黄小琥
4。自己的电影 - 周惠，成龙
最后是 English Folk Song Suite
回到起点还在喘气的时候
耳机里是刘畊宏在唱他的佳作
彩虹天堂
这样一个晚上
是应该可以平静下来的
可是 。。。
随笔（1）
16/12/2009那天的心情
就好像车子开进隧道一样
茫然
09/01/2010七点不到我们就起身跑步去
然后又毫无顾虑地痛快吃一顿
咖啡，烧卖，云吞面
口口的满足
美好的一天
04/03/2009他问我 'N' 是哪一个
我没有回答
他又再问一次 'N' 是哪一个
这次我才看到他在指着桌上的铅笔盒
我把手一指,说
这个是'N'
Saturday, January 9, 2010
美。
会写词作曲的人真了不起。。。
作詞：姚若龍/ 作曲：于曉光、李偉菘/ 編曲：Terence Teo
如果命運可以訂做
如果有另一次選擇
我想我還是會
把手讓你緊握
快樂地陪你去坎坷
就算你有天變落魄
就算你老得不能動
我想我還是會
挽著你看日落
你的心疼在淚光中
嘴巴上彼此嫌麻煩
眼神中關懷那麼滿
沒說愛卻早已認定一輩子的伴
在人前從來不浪漫
在心中卻總為對方打算
最懂的人最暖的伴
就算我以後變囉唆
就算我老了有病痛
我想你還是會照顧我到最後
隱藏脆弱不眠不休
嘴巴上彼此嫌麻煩
眼神中關懷那麼滿
沒說愛卻早已認定一輩子的伴
在人前從來不浪漫
在心中卻總為對方打算
最懂的人最暖的伴
沒有辛酸沒有遺憾
什麼是陪伴
什麼是心安
你是答案
Saturday, January 2, 2010
slipped in
on hind sight, it's a little scary.
2010 just slipped in. i would usually be very prepared for the new year. sorted out the files, cleared the table and gotten all the plans laid out. this time round, it is already 2nd jan and all is still a mess.
don't know where it is heading, don't know how it is going to turn out, don't know if things will be ok, don't know what's coming up.
i guess the consolation must be that i still am able to hope. to shut my eyes briefly, take in a couple of deep breaths and know that things will be all right.
may all have a healthy and beautiful 2010.
2010 just slipped in. i would usually be very prepared for the new year. sorted out the files, cleared the table and gotten all the plans laid out. this time round, it is already 2nd jan and all is still a mess.
don't know where it is heading, don't know how it is going to turn out, don't know if things will be ok, don't know what's coming up.
i guess the consolation must be that i still am able to hope. to shut my eyes briefly, take in a couple of deep breaths and know that things will be all right.
may all have a healthy and beautiful 2010.
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